We Like Sheep - Wandering Astray

I wrote this a few nights ago for a discussion the Hawthorne project was having about reports that there were people sleeping on the church porch and leaving trash around the building. As I thought about what to share, I was struck how useful the practices of the weekly circle I do were in making honest, aware, choices. A while ago a friend of mine from another circle commented that: "I come to Circle because it is the most profound time during my week – a time when I can try to put into words in front of witnesses what otherwise only haunts my dreams and rattles around in my unconscious." Reading the discussion, I was haunted by memories and choices I had made. I was struggling to focus at work, so I took an early lunch break and wrote this email. After I sent the email, I had a lot easier time focusing on the rest of my shift. Where do you find space to discuss the things that "haunt your dreams and rattle around in your unconscious?"

Frank,

Thanks for getting at the root contradiction here. Last week as Hawthorne was wrapping up it started to rain. It was 4pm and all of the adults had places to go. At that point the adults had to directly ask the kids to leave a warm dry place and go out to a cold wet place.

I know I faced a pretty stark choice. How much of my time do I spend here with them? What of mine do I offer? Where do we draw the boundaries? etc.

I knew enough to be troubled saying: "good luck, hope you keep warm and dry, see ya next week." I chose a way to handle something that was defined, finite, easy, and avoided addressing the hardest problem - I gave mimi, her kids, and the group of pregnant friends that stay with her a ride to star of hope, where they stay. It was a way easier thing then inviting the kids who did not have a place to sleep to wait out the rain at my apartment, a lot less risk.

That was a choice i made, I can try to justify my choice, but the reality I don't like to talk about is that kids I know staid outside in the rain and cold because I chose one way as opposed to another. I don't want to get into moral arguments or guilt here, I happen to think I made the best choice for me there. I just think that as we have to have these conversations we need to start by acknowledging the facts of our choices and their consequences.

Wanting to delude ourselves about these choices and their consequences is not a new thing, the second chapter of James addresses people making that same move, when the author writes: "15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?"

Those kids sleep outside because the church has made the choice not to let them sleep inside. Any discussion with the trusties should start from that context. Those kids sleep outside because our neighbors chose not to invite them to sleep inside. Any discussion with the neighbors should start from that context as well.

How do we do that? I would recommend this as a minimum, let's get a real plan together for doing some kind of night shelter together, with a real budget and a dedicated account to hold funds for such a project. Any neighbor who complains can be welcome to contribute towards the budget for this and to host fundraisers with their neighbors and the local home owners association to help fund such a project. I am sure the costs of said plan are smaller then the imagined hit to their property values. If they are not willing to help fund things, I suggest we come up with a plan b, that involves some kind of intentional space outside and visible where the kids can find shelter with our blessing. If the cops are called by the neighbors it would be for trespassing on the church grounds, if they are intended to be there, its not trespassing. I am willing to bet that given the alternatives funding for whatever realistic changes needed to happen and maintenance costs would be a lot easier.

These choices are not simple or easy, I have made the choice to withdraw from hawthorne for a time, as a way of not having to foreground the consequences of my own choices. I had a kid from hawthorne stay with me for six months, and I made the choice to kick him out. None of those were easy, but I think if I am honest, I can't deny any more that there are kids out there that can't go home, kids in our group who have been harassed for the sexual orientation and refusal to live in heteronormative patterns, kids who do not have a place to stay tonight, kids for whom sleeping on the floor, inside, out of the rain, would be a upgrade.

What we chose to do is ours alone to decide, the basic contradiction is not.

For me, I chose to finish my lunch and go back to my job.

Nate

So for a while I have struggled with a short, clear, explanation of what a CRC is and why I think its so important. As we get in the cycle of recruiting new members, I wanted to take a stab at this from a different angle. Instead of trying to paint a representative picture of the flow, theology, structure, etc - simply ask why do I come? I am stealing this method from Constance, who's discussion of why she came a month ago was really helpful to me.

I come to the CRC because its a quiet place. Most of my world is busy, loud, and media saturated. The CRC has a slower pace with long periods of silence that help me reconnect to the deeper parts of me.

I come to the CRC because the discipline of a weekly, regular, ritual gives my life a sense of rhythm and regularity that is helpful for this low structure guy. The discipline of reading something each week, of sharing from my life, and of a common meal with the same friends week in and week out is a foundation I can build the rest of the week around.

I come to the CRC because its a safe space for honestly. Most contexts I am in have strong social pressures to lie, manipulate, and defend - the CRC has strong social pressures towards honesty and vulnerability. Its small size and the regularity of people that come every week for a whole quarter fosters an intimacy that makes honesty less risky.

I come to the CRC because its a place where I can tell about my doubts. The core theological agreement is that we never ask anyone to believe anything that contradicts their own experience. Because we value experience over systems or dogmas, the CRC has space for mystery and confusion. In the CRC I can dwell in the middle of a tension without having to resolve it one way or another.

I come to the CRC because it is deeply democratic. Each of the leadership roles rotates, plans for the next quarter are made after a consensus building process. So much of my life is dominated by heirarchy and my own desires for power and control. The CRC is a space where we flip authority from person to person and I am free to follow and encouraged to lead.

I come to the CRC because it is experimental and temporary. The CRC invites me to be creative, to try and do something new. Like a ballroom dancer, the form of the CRC gives just enough structure to make it easy to innovate and try new things. The CRC asks me to be an artist, and the CRC allows me witness other brilliant artists. More weeks then not I leave inspired by something someone brought or shared.

I come to the CRC because its a chance to talk deeply with good friends. I am not very good at spending time with friends, I quickly get occupied and forget about them. The sharing and meal during the CRC is a great chance to catch up and drink deeply from the nurture of relationship.

I come to the CRC because it challenges and undercuts some of the delusions in my life. The CRC asks that each member find ways to participate in social change and studies together how to do that effectively. The CRC asks that each member find a daily, solitary, contemplative practice and studies together on techniques to make that happen. The CRC asks each member to reflect on their life each week as we try to practice the return to reality in those scary parts of our life.

Well that was not very short, but I think it was clear and grounded writing. Folks that have been to CRC's does this ring true for you? If not why do/did you come? If you don't come to a CRC, is this something you would want to come to? Is it clear enough to give you an idea of what you might be getting into? Does it hide things that should be made explicit?

A few weeks ago, caleb led liturgy for our CRC. I asked him for a copy of his opening meditation text and spirit question. They were awesome, reposting here as an archive and so you can get a flavor of what we do week in and week out:

1.2 FIVE MINUTES OF SILENCE

1.3 READINGS AND SPIRIT QUESTION

Excerpt from Anthony De Mello's The Way to Love

If you wish to attain lasting happiness you must be ready to hate father, mother, even your own life and to take leave of all your possessions. How? Not by renouncing them or giving them up because what you give up violently you are forever bound to. But rather by seeing them for the nightmare they are; and then, whether you keep them or not, they will have lost their grip over you, their power to hurt you, and you will be out of your dream at last, out of your darkness, your fear, your unhappiness.
So pend some time seeing each of the things you cling to for what it really is, a nightmare that causes you excitement and pleasure on the one hand but also worry, insecurity, tension, anxiety, fear, unhappiness on the other.
Father and mother: nightmare. Wife and children, brothers and sisters: nightmare. All your possessions: nightmare. Your life as it is now: nightmare. Every single thing you cling to and have convinced yourself you cannot be happy without: nightmare.

QUESTION: What is your biggest attachment/addiction whose absence would most change the way in which you live your life or identify yourself and causes worry, insecurity, tension, anxiety, fear, etc.?

Absolution Excerpt from Anthony De Mello's The Way to Love

In order to be genuinely happy there is one and only one thing you need to do: get deprogrammed, get rid of these attachments. All you need to do is open your eyes and see that you do not really need the object of your attachment at all; that you were programmed, brainwashed into thinking that you could not be happy or you could not live without this particular person or thing. An attachment isn't a fact. It is a belief, a fantasy in your head, acquired through social programming.

Blessing - Excerpt from Mary Oliver's Backwater Woods

To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

One of the things I enjoy about the tradition I have situated myself within is the breath of methods they created and codified for structured conversation. Here are some notes I put together about one of those methods I use, for a friend of mine.

I checked my notes and the details notes I had from the Art Form method talk were not there. So here is what I remember off the top of my head.

The basic idea of the art form method, is that it is a structured conversation to allow a group of people to process the experience of being addressed by a piece of art. As such your not really trying to communicate what the piece is about, but instead trying to open up their eyes, so they can be addressed and then make space for them to respond to the address.

You basically do it with a series of questions, the goal is to go around the room, so that each person answers a question in each phases and that they can gain something from other people's eyes as well.

1) Objective (not really objective, but the idea here is to keep interpretation to a minimum):
* What color do you see?
* What shape do you see?
* What place did your eye go?
2) Emotional (what feelings does this bring up):
* How do you feel looking at this?
* What one character or object is most attractive to you? Most scary, etc.
* What do you think the artist felt like when he painted this?
3) Analytical:
* If you had to give this painting a title what would you call it?
* If you had to put yourself in this painting, where would you be?
4) Decisional (at this point, sometimes some context about the work is helpful):
* After noticing the painting, what are you going to do differently?
* If the painting took you to a happy place, what do you need to do in your life to get there?
* If the character reminded you of someone in your life, what do you need to do to respond?

If the piece of art has become a rupture, then some decisional questions will come up, if it never ruptures anyone in your group, those questions won't take you anywhere. So that really depends on the art and the people. Its the one that requires the most improv / tuning.

This is the welcoming ritual I wrote for our demostration CRC during the last symposium, I think it worked pretty well.

Ritual Welcome – We don't come to this space empty, a tabula rasa or blank slate. We come as people with history, narrative, baggage, and scars. We stand on the backs of those who have come before us. We stand within rich traditions, inheritors of deep wisdom, and the rubble of many failed experiments. Whatever you bring with you, you are welcome in this space.

{a bell is rung and a candle is lit}

We come here dreaming of the future, full of plans and strategies, hope and fantasies. Our freedom enraptures us and overwhelms us. This time was not planned in the absence of motive. There is intent and ideology all over it. However you hope to journey – However you end up journeying after tonight, you are welcome in this space.

{a bell is rung and a candle is lit}

We come here. Whatever structure and systems we construct to describe ourself, whatever stories you tell about yourself. Whoever the thou is that I am addressing, you are welcome in the space.

{a bell is rung and a candle is lit}

I have found the CRC a wonderful beacon, that calls me out of the past, and out of my dreams of the future, into the reality of this moment. As we practice silence together, I ask that you allow yourself to be present here, mindfully engaged. That mysterious essence of you, is welcome in this space.

Greetings are hard, so consider yourself saluted. July has been a really good month for me. It began with a birthday celebration, realizing I was too old to get away with stupid things just because I was young, followed shortly by dieing my hair neon blue. ( http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2828754&l=0577a4aa97&id=714281959 )

My solitary practices have continued, I purchased a bike for myself as a birthday present and have found real joy riding around town. My chart for July shows some hickups, but all in all I am down another 9.7 pounds for the month and I can't see stopping now. I also started to attend Nia classes again and have found the combination of movement and meditation a great source of nurture.

Alan's report highlight some of the bumps in our CRC rhythm, what I thought it missed highlighting was some of the great discussions and insights that have come up in the past month. Some of our newer members have taken pulls in the leadership roles and have lead some really good discussions. I continue to find the CRC practice a important part of my week.

One project I have started this month is aiding a blog conversation with Frank Larkey (who hosts our CRC in his studio space) titled: Art, Ideas, and Identity ( http://artideasandidentity.org ) Frank wants to explore how creativity happens and how the creative process can be used as a method of internal exploration.

My personal reading has included Jacob's Dream as well, I missed the enigram work and that has been an interesting introduction for me.

This weekend I am moving out of my apartment and into the second bedroom at Alan's duplex. It is going to be an exciting six months. I am looking forward to the time we will share together and nervous that my poor roommate habbits will resurface.

Looking forward to the symposium and reconnecting face to face. With relaxation and joy, singing the chorus of my current favorite song: "Don't be afraid of the Light that shines within you ..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8It3VIZLnI

Nate

45 out of 100 is not bad, but mostly doing this, so my more well read fans can point out the ones I really should have read by now.

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and noting those you have read (with an x or by making the text bold).

Tag other 'Book Nerds'.."

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling - X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - X
6 The Bible - X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontex -
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller - X
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - Own a copy, dig the sonnets, not everything
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien--X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger - x
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald - X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy - X
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams -X
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling - X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - X
6 The Bible - X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontex -
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller - X
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - Own a copy, dig the sonnets, not everything
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien--X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger - x
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald - X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy - X
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams -X
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky - X (one of my fave authors ever)
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll -X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame X
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy X
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens -X (Why is Dickens on this list so often, he is not _that_ good?)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein - X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden - X
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery - X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel - X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert - X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck - X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov - X
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac -
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville - X
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens - X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker -
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce -
76 The Inferno – Dante - X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dicken - X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker - X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom - X (I think my grandma gave it too me ...)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad - X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery -
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas - X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare - X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl - X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo - X (one of the hardest books to finish I have ever read)

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky - X (one of my fave authors ever)
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll -X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame X
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy X
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens -X (Why is Dickens on this list so often, he is not _that_ good?)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein - X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden - X
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery - X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel - X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert - X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck - X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov - X
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac -
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville - X
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens - X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker -
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce -
76 The Inferno – Dante - X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dicken - X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker - X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom - X (I think my grandma gave it too me ...)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad - X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery -
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas - X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare - X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Facory - Roald Dahl - X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo - X (one of the hardest books to finish I have ever read)

So today is a pretty cool day for me, a few months ago I read a little book called: The Hacker Diet. It was really useful for me. What I appreciated the most were the realistic sensibility of the author - very little BS or moralism, the mathematics based ideas, and the simple online tools for tracking progress.

Three months ago today, I broke down and purchased a scale. For the first time in 3+ years I decided to weigh myself. It was not a happy number. I also started logging my weight each day with the nice little web-version of the hacker's diet's online tools. My goal was to establish a baseline of what I was doing without any diet changes and then drawing from that start making some changes for the better.

One of the commitments for the Symposium I am part of is that we develop and adopt daily spiritual practices. It was one of the ones I have failed at the most. I am just really bad at daily chores. I decided to understand my weigh in each morning as a spiritual practice. What I mean by that is that weighing in each morning is about confronting reality, and specifically one part of reality I don't really like to think about. Using some of the interplay training, I have paired this daily weigh in with a long hot shower afterwards. Back when I did the interplay seminar, we were asked to reflect on the physicality of grace, what feels relaxing, welcoming, peaceful, released, etc. For me one of those experiences is a long hot shower. So my long, hot, shower at the end of each day, is a nice way to celebrate successfully doing my daily solitary practice, and an easy way to feel present and happy in my body.

[Before anyone freaks out about daily weigh ins, the goal of the plan is to focus on a 20 day, rolling, weighted average. Meaning my focus is on keeping the trend moving in the right direction, not on what any specific day's weigh in comes out as.]

One of the tools the site uses to help you understand the information you are collecting is a 3 month chart. Today, for the first day my three month chart was full of data. Yay ... Now the diet / lifestyle changes did not kick in until May 1st (I chose a specific day so it would be easy to see if they were having an actual effect), so that three month milestone is still a little ways away. But hey, going to celebrate this one too.

My highest weight (per the average) was 287.4 - the average for today is 263.6. So with about two and half months of dieting, I am down 23.8 pounds. Including the time I spent building a base line, over the last three months I am averaging a 2.04 pound weight loss per week. Certainly not Biggest Loser style epic weight loss, but a nice steady pattern I am confident I can keep up for a while to come.

Here is that pretty graph:

I am sure that there will be ups and downs with this. My adherence to my own pretty loose diet plan is far from perfect, but perfection is not the goal, an average of 1.5-2 pounds every single week for a year is the goal, and I am still on track for that.

So to all the people that have had to deal with me bitching and moaning about the diet, thanks for not slapping me. It used to drive me nuts when people complained about dieting, but now I realized that sometimes the food I chose not to eat, is exactly what I crave.

Looks like a great link:

http://sixrevisions.com/wordpress/12-essential-security-tips-and-hacks-f...

The interview is from The Guardian

Have the women in your life been a source of your strength or weakness?

LC: Good question. It's not a level playing ground for either of us, for either the man or the woman. This is the most challenging activity that humans get into, which is love. You know, where we have the sense that we can't live without love. That life has very little meaning without love. So we're invited into this arena which is a very dangerous arena, where the possibilities of humiliation and failure are ample. So there's no fixed lesson that one can learn, because the heart is always opening and closing, it's always softening and hardening. We're always experiencing joy or sadness. But there are lots of people who've closed down. And there are times in one's life when one has to close down just to regroup.

Are there times when you've lamented the power that women have had over you?

LC: I never looked at it that way. There's times when I've lamented, there's times when I've rejoiced, there's times when I've been deeply indifferent. You run through the whole gamut of experience. And most people have a woman in their heart, most men have a woman in their heart and most women have a man in their heart. There are people that don't. But most of us cherish some sort of dream of surrender. But these are dreams and sometimes they're defeated and sometimes they're manifested.

Do you think love is empowering?

LC: It's a ferocious activity, where you experience defeat and you experience acceptance and you experience exultation. And the affixed idea about it will definitely cause you a great deal of suffering. If you have the feeling that it's going to be an easy ride, you're going to be disappointed. If you have a feeling that it's going to be hell all the way, you may be surprised.